Should I have visitors after birth?

IN SHORT, IF YOU FEEL IT WILL HELP THEN YES. IF YOU BELIEVE IT WILL HINDER, THEN NO! READ ON TO SEE WHAT I REALLY MEAN BY THIS!

Why or Why Not?

Let’s look at the realities for a moment. You will be sore, either from a vaginal birth where a mac truck has paved it’s way ( I kid I kid), or a cesarean birth where you have had major abdominal surgery and can’t stand upright for a week (I’m serious). Does that SOUND like the time you want people around to watch blood run down your leg as you walk to the bathroom every 30 minutes? While they sit and snuggle YOUR BABY that you just went through all of that for? And they ask you if you are dying from the bleeding or if they can just give your breastfed only baby a bottle…all while expecting you to feed them!… UMMM I think not! RIGHT?!?

Or

Would it be AMAZING to have a loving kind family member/friend with you? One who will help you stand and walk to the bathroom after that cesarean. One to put a puppy pad on the chair so you don’t bleed onto it while you eat dinner. Someone to help cook said dinner, clean up, throw a load of laundry in, grab toilet paper and milk from the store for you and drop it off with some dark chocolate! A person to watch the baby while you shower or take a nap, or to actually HELP you BREASTFEED if that’s your desire.

In reality, which one sounds more helpful, which scenario causes you to feel happier?

Yep…that would be my choice as well!

Here are some ways to set yourself up for success when it comes to family visiting postpartum.

1) If you KNOW they won’t be helpful, will induce stress for YOU or will just plain get on your nerves… then have them wait until baby is two months old. That way you are a BIT settled into newborn life, baby will be feeding well (whichever way you go) and you can carry on a conversation and aren’t bleeding much if at all by that point! That will lift a bit of stress in and of itself.

2) If they live down the street they can come for a 30 minute visit a couple times a week sure. Long enough to get to hold the baby, take a picture & tell you how much you need to “sleep when the baby sleeps…..there are bottles out there you know” and you nod and smile and then cry or roll your eyes when they leave LOL

3) If a mom/friend will be helpful as the angel I mentioned above…Then have them come within a day or two of you being at home with baby. This does a couple of things for you.

1) It will give you a short amount of time over a day or so to see what you feel like you really need. Do you really want someone to talk to and help you to the bathroom or watch baby while you shower? Or do you just want someone to cook and clean and do laundry so that you can simply lay in bed or on the couch and feed and snuggle your baby together with your partner? This will able you to know where to ask her to start! MAKE A LIST!!!

2) It will give you time to just be the three of you! PERIOD. Sometimes you just need to be alone man! To feel all the feelings and say all the things or NOT say all the things! Time to be without feeling watched or like you have to get out of bed to entertain people (insert eye roll).

4) Don’t be afraid to ask for help. No matter who it’s from! Your primary focus immediately post birth will be to care for yourself and your baby. BUT it takes a whole lot more than you imagine it would to do so. That’s why everyone says “it takes a village!” well, it does! So, ask a close friend if they would be able to bring dinner by one evening. Ask your mom to swing by and help you clean the house!

OR

Better yet… HIRE A POSTPARTUM DOULA…… AND A MAID!! (IF YOU CAN)

Postpartum Doulas are trained in how to best provide postpartum support to women and their families. Knowledgeable in breastfeeding and bottle feeding issues, neonatal CPR, healthy cooking habits, pros at swaddling and helping YOU get the sleep YOU need!

5) Keep COVID19 and other sicknesses in mind! We are living in different times now “post-COVID” and with that comes an altered view of what’s “safe”. So take the it into consideration when you are making decisions such as these.

In closing, don’t be afraid to tell people not to come see you if it induces stress. Ask for help, even if you feel like you won’t need it… you will! And hire a trained professional for your first few weeks as a new parent! It’s of the same importance as hiring a Birth Doula expert to hep you through birth!

And remember, it DOES TAKE A VILLAGE to have a great postpartum period! BUT it also matters WHO IS IN THAT VILLAGE! Want more info on what to expect postpartum? GO HERE.